It’s hard to believe, but now that I don’t write two or three times a week, I.. I… I kinda miss it.

I know I know… “Impossible!” you say.

“All that work that you guys put in with little readership and no pay! How could that have been satisfying?”

Think of it this way:

Think back to college. That philosophy paper? The one due at 8am tomorrow? You stay up late, writing like a frenzied chimpanzee. (That is to say, somewhat incoherent and generally sloppy, much like your college love life.)

It’s now 5 am. You’ve finished your philosophical masterpiece: What Would Jesus Smoke. Better save that to your flash drive.

Even though your printer is out of color ink, you somehow manage to get the damn thing to spit our your 5 pages of awesome. That wasn’t so hard, it only took two and a half hours. Might as well just go to class at this point.

Your peers trickle in. The professor shows up right on schedule and launches straight into the lecture. He never collects the paper. There was no assignment.

In essence, writing a post for Obscure was much the same. We’d make up some shit and hand it in right before the deadline. Our friends (sometimes) enjoyed what we wrote, but in the end, nobody asked for The Ten Suggestions. Nor did anyone ask us to supplant words in Star Wars quotes with the word, “underpants”. It might have been work at times, and it is possible that we didn’t always put in 100%. Very possible. But the fact is, we did it.

You’re welcome. And thank you, dear readers, for your insidious comments and heckling. You’re a wonderful crowd. We sure had a blast.

<3 The Obscure Inq. Team XOXO

Though I cannot speak for anyone else, I’ve had a blast. Hopefully, all of the countless hours we’ve spent slaving away over a keyboard and scouring the vast and often frightening depths of the internet has done something for you. Whether it made you more educated, cynical, stupified, scarred, or just got you through the day, we consider that a job well done.

So if I could, can I please get one round of applause for everyone on the Obscure team. In order of appearance: Will, Jake, HP, Tom, Tucker, and Tristan. Thank you guys for all your efforts!

In your own experience, does there seem to be a growing trend of career aimlessness, videogame induced non-productivity, binge drinking, girl bashing, and continued dorm-esque lifestyles among our post-college male population? Is there an increase of hook-ups over meaningful relationships? Is it more difficult for guys to break away from their college and high school buddies than it was for our fathers before us? Michael Kimmel would certainly say yes.

To be honest, I’m somewhat inclined to say yes as well. Technology naturally plays a role. Facebook and instant messenger for example, make it much simpler for your everyday schmoe to keep in touch with old friends. Videogames likewise have become cultural pastime catering to a very specific male demographic (Even despite the admirable efforts of the Nintendo’s Wii). And today’s mass communication allows for and promotes the heavy flow and production of pornography and sports discourse across a variety of media. And though I’ve never really discovered the appeal of popular sports, I do find myself guilty of living vicariously through characters found in action flicks more often than I spend time mapping out my future. I for one, even admit to maintaining a conscious resistance to the thought of becoming a full-fledged adult.

Michael Kimmel writes…

“In this topsy-turvy, Peter-Pan mindset, young men shirk the responsibilities of adulthood and remain fixated on the trappings of boyhood, while the boys they still are struggle heroically to prove that they are real men despite all evidence to the contrary”

I’m hesitant to agree that such trends will bring about the fall of mankind, but at the same time I do recognize some valid points. Basically instead of putting in the effort of producing my own opinion, I’m going to leave that to you readers. So what do you think? Are these observations and claims accurate? Or are these notions simply the rants of an aging (and balding) man who belongs to a generation that will never understand Nirvana, has a skewed view of video games, and basically repeats (in different terminology) what every previous generation says about the one after them? I’ll be in my room watching porn.

The Recording Industry Association of America. If you don’t know who they are already, let me summarize for you; They are a bunch of morons looking out of the music industry while single-handedly alienating music listeners and shooting themselves in the foot.

Ok, so maybe not every listener, but at least all of the ones who find their tunes on the internet. In essence, if you’ve ever copied a CD to your computer, listened to internet radio (Pandora included), recorded a song on your XM satellite radio to listen to later or downloaded anything from Napster, Limewire, KaZaA, Bittorrent, et al, You’ve broken the law.

And don’t you think for one hot second that you are outside their reach. The RIAA has sued corporations big and small, people young and old, the homeless and the computerless, even the dead!

So why would a company do such a thing? To protect their intellectual property of course. Unfortunately, they’ve become so preoccupied with protecting their property, they’ve alienated just about every demographic. The mentally handicapped are the only group that listens to music that hasn’t been sued by the RIAA yet. (citation needed)

“Well hold on now Travis,” you may say. “What if these guys are just out there protecting what is rightfully theirs?”

Let’s back up and look at the big picture for a few moments.

Back in the halcyon days of records, one needed a fancy studio to record the music and an even fancier machine to produce the records. Then you would need a PR rep to sell your album to as many executives as possible to get your name out. That is how you get your album into the hands of a million people.

Fast forward to 2008. The only thing you need to make studio quality music now is a quiet room, a microphone, and a computer. Getting the word out? Make a MySpace page. Now your music can be in the hands of nearly as many people and you did it all by yourself! Your mother will be so proud.

Which brings me to my next point; choice.  With all of this availability and niches (Turbo Folk, Mathcore, Powerviolence?), there are a lot more avenues in which people can people can spend their money.  This phenomenon has been dubbed The Long Tail, many niche items sold to a large number of people. The Long Tail model states that given free choice, users will favor the 20% of available options while the remaining 80% creates The Long Tail.

So let’s put it all together: Producing and distributing costs have dropped, leading to more small and independent labels not represented by the RIAA. User choice and convenience has increased through the power of technology, and yet the RIAA is still trying to sell us CD’s which - for them - have the largest profit margin. It’s no wonder sales are down every year since the dotcom boom!

But what of the oh-so-holy iTunes music store? That won’t help the RIAA at all either. Instead of making $20 off your Beyonce fetish, they only make $10, halving their profit. Or worse yet, you only buy Independent Woman Part 1 for a platry $0.99, thereby reducing their total profit by over a factor of 20!

For you, this is great. If this was 1994 however, you would have bought her whole CD as you would have had no choice.

THAT is the reason their profits are down. We were being swindled. It has NOTHING to do with the fact that people are stealing music.

Sincerely,

Travis

 STAR WARS LINES DIGITALLY REMASTERED USING THE WORD “UNDERPANTS”

(Per usual, let’s begin with Part 4)

Episode IV: A New Hope

Han Solo: “These underpants may not look like much kid, but they’ve got it where it counts”

Greedo: “Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop their underpants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser”

Darth Vader: “I find your lack of underpants disturbing”

Princess Leia: “Govenor Tarkin. I should have recognized your fowl underpants when I was brought on board”

Darth Vader: “She must have hidden the plans in her underpants.  Send a detatchment down to retrieve them.  See to it personally commander”

Darth Vader: “A tremor in the underpants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master”

Imperial Guy: “TK-421… Why aren’t you in your underpants?”

Princess Leia: “You came in those underpants? You’re braver than I thought”

Luke Skywalker: “I used to bulls-eye womp rats in my underpants back home”

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Han: “You look strong enough to pull the underpants off a Gundark”

Lando: “Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my underpants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive”

Yoda: “I cannot teach him. The boy has no underpants”

Yoda: “Your underpants, you will not need them”

Yoda: “Mudhole? Slimy? My underpants these are”

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Lando: “We’ve got to able to some sort of reading on those underpants, up or down!”

Darth Vader: “You are unwise to lower your underpants!”

Han: “Don’t worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of underpants more heavily guarded than this”

Lando: “Han will have those underpants down. We’ve got to give him more time!”

Darth Vader: “Your underpants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong”

Episode I: The Phantom Menace 

Darth Sidious: “Viceroy, I don’t want to see this stunted slime in my underpants again”

Watto: “What, you think you’re some kind of Jedi? Wavin’ your underpants around like that?”

Jar Jar Binks: “Gungans have grand underpants. That’s why you no liking us meesa thinks”

Watto: “I want to see your underpants the moment the race is over”

Chancellor Palpatine: “And you, young Skywalker; we shall watch your underpants with great interest” 

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Yoda: “Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my underpants”

Obi-Wan: “Your underpants are very impressive. You must be very proud”

Yoda: “Mmm. Lost his underpants, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing. How embarrassing”

Obi-Wan: “Be mindful of your underpants Anakin. They’ll betray you”

Padme: “Our mentors have a way of seeing more of our underpants than we would like” 

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Anakin: “Master, General Grievous’s underpants are directly ahead. The one’s crawling with vulture droids”

General Grievous: “Be thankful, Viceroy, you have not found yourself in my underpants…”

Obi-Wan: “With your kind permission, I should like some fuel and to use your underpants as a base as I search nearby systems for General Grievous”

Obi-Wan: “You have allowed this dark lord to twist your underpants until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy”

Well there you have it. If any of you think of any more, please don’t hesitate to make your contribution to this proud collection.  Also… can anyone tell me if it was a joke to give someone named Solo a co-pilot?

May the Force be with you all.