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November 11, 2008

A better goodbye. (Now with <3’s, X’s and O’s.)

I always meant to write a better goodbye, let’s give this a shot. Better Nate than lever, no?

It’s hard to believe, but now that I don’t write two or three times a week, I.. I… I kinda miss it.

I know I know… “Impossible!” you say.

“All that work that you guys put in with little readership and no pay! How could that have been satisfying?”

Think of it this way:

Think back to college. That philosophy paper? The one due at 8am tomorrow? You stay up late, writing like a frenzied chimpanzee. (That is to say, somewhat incoherent and generally sloppy, much like your college love life.)

It’s now 5 am. You’ve finished your philosophical masterpiece: What Would Jesus Smoke. Better save that to your flash drive.

Even though your printer is out of color ink, you somehow manage to get the damn thing to spit our your 5 pages of awesome. That wasn’t so hard, it only took two and a half hours. Might as well just go to class at this point.

Your peers trickle in. The professor shows up right on schedule and launches straight into the lecture. He never collects the paper. There was no assignment.

In essence, writing a post for Obscure was much the same. We’d make up some shit and hand it in right before the deadline. Our friends (sometimes) enjoyed what we wrote, but in the end, nobody asked for The Ten Suggestions. Nor did anyone ask us to supplant words in Star Wars quotes with the word, “underpants”. It might have been work at times, and it is possible that we didn’t always put in 100%. Very possible. But the fact is, we did it.

You’re welcome. And thank you, dear readers, for your insidious comments and heckling. You’re a wonderful crowd. We sure had a blast.

<3 The Obscure Inq. Team XOXO

August 18, 2008

Make Your Skid Mark Hamill

I’ll be honest. I did not come up with this idea. The fact is I’m not sure who did. What I do know is that way back in about 8th grade or so I found myself giggling uncontrollably after learning about it. To justify my plagiarism I’m going to point out that not only have I added to the collection, I have also assigned a clever title. I give you…

 STAR WARS LINES DIGITALLY REMASTERED USING THE WORD “UNDERPANTS”

(Per usual, let’s begin with Part 4)

Episode IV: A New Hope

Han Solo: “These underpants may not look like much kid, but they’ve got it where it counts”

Greedo: “Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop their underpants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser”

Darth Vader: “I find your lack of underpants disturbing”

Princess Leia: “Govenor Tarkin. I should have recognized your fowl underpants when I was brought on board”

Darth Vader: “She must have hidden the plans in her underpants.  Send a detatchment down to retrieve them.  See to it personally commander”

Darth Vader: “A tremor in the underpants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master”

Imperial Guy: “TK-421… Why aren’t you in your underpants?”

Princess Leia: “You came in those underpants? You’re braver than I thought”

Luke Skywalker: “I used to bulls-eye womp rats in my underpants back home”

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Han: “You look strong enough to pull the underpants off a Gundark”

Lando: “Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my underpants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive”

Yoda: “I cannot teach him. The boy has no underpants”

Yoda: “Your underpants, you will not need them”

Yoda: “Mudhole? Slimy? My underpants these are”

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Lando: “We’ve got to able to some sort of reading on those underpants, up or down!”

Darth Vader: “You are unwise to lower your underpants!”

Han: “Don’t worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of underpants more heavily guarded than this”

Lando: “Han will have those underpants down. We’ve got to give him more time!”

Darth Vader: “Your underpants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong”

Episode I: The Phantom Menace 

Darth Sidious: “Viceroy, I don’t want to see this stunted slime in my underpants again”

Watto: “What, you think you’re some kind of Jedi? Wavin’ your underpants around like that?”

Jar Jar Binks: “Gungans have grand underpants. That’s why you no liking us meesa thinks”

Watto: “I want to see your underpants the moment the race is over”

Chancellor Palpatine: “And you, young Skywalker; we shall watch your underpants with great interest” 

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Yoda: “Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my underpants”

Obi-Wan: “Your underpants are very impressive. You must be very proud”

Yoda: “Mmm. Lost his underpants, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing. How embarrassing”

Obi-Wan: “Be mindful of your underpants Anakin. They’ll betray you”

Padme: “Our mentors have a way of seeing more of our underpants than we would like” 

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Anakin: “Master, General Grievous’s underpants are directly ahead. The one’s crawling with vulture droids”

General Grievous: “Be thankful, Viceroy, you have not found yourself in my underpants…”

Obi-Wan: “With your kind permission, I should like some fuel and to use your underpants as a base as I search nearby systems for General Grievous”

Obi-Wan: “You have allowed this dark lord to twist your underpants until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy”

 

Well there you have it. If any of you think of any more, please don’t hesitate to make your contribution to this proud collection.  Also… can anyone tell me if it was a joke to give someone named Solo a co-pilot?

May the Force be with you all.

 

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