fillet-of-who?

Let me begin by saying that I do not claim to have any practical musical talent whatsoever. I specified practical because what I do claim, is to have vicariously undergone an extensive musical career via video games like Guitar Hero and more recently Rock Band. And for my purposes, I feel that the parallels between the virtual and the actual are adequate enough for me to take a position of authority and produce an insightful commentary concerning…NAMING YOUR BAND. As is true with a real music group, the name of your band can make or break your career. Without a firm foundational title a band will surely pull an “Apollo 1” and explode before even actually taking off… (hey Apollo 1… there’s a band name idea already!) The point is, put simply…

lame name = shame – fame

Perhaps you’re one of those guys who thinks to himself “Let’s make our band name so lame that it will be awesome!”… in which case, please read no further. Go hurry up and fail. Yes, skip the success and proceed promptly to the untimely overdose… the only difference between you and a famous musician is that you will not be missed. But for those of you looking to make it big, continue and take heed.

Firstly, you need to take into consideration what you’re going for in a title. It could be anything along the lines of shock value, humor, curiosity etc. You’ll probably also want to figure out an applicable genre.

Why not throw in a random number? This might lend itself well to a punk or emo sound… Yeah yeah I know they’re different. (ex. Blink 182, Sum 41)

*Try something like Bullet 7*

Going for something classic? How about misspelling an animal name? (ex. The Beetles, The Monkeeys, Def Leppard)

*Try something like The Beevers*

Want to be dark and edgy? You might want to mix in some perverted religious imagery. (ex. Black Sabbath, Judas Preist)

*Consider something along the lines of Eden’s Ashes or Apostle Ron*

Maybe you want to create some ambiguous meaning. You might want to try your luck with colors! (ex. Pink Floyd, Green Day, Deep Purple)

*Go with something like Orange Bride*

Perhaps you want just want people to hear your name and say WTF?! Just come up with something that makes no sense unless you were present when the group was named. (ex. Death Cab for Cutie)

*Play around with something like Forklift Lullaby or The Dutch Threat*

Is it a feel-good uplifting sound you’re after? Go with simplicity. (ex. Train, Journey, Oasis)

*Give something like Horizon or Freefall a try*

Not so upbeat? Try something unpleasant or shockingly controversial. (ex. Staind, Disturbed, Anal Cunt)

*Experiment with words like Smudge, Trout, Pube, or Labia*

You might want to browse through some already existing bands and find some common trends. (ex. Flogging Molly, Counting Crows, Breaking Benjamin) From there you could try titles like Bruising Gary, Pounding Peterman, or Slamming Sailors. Only maybe you wouldn’t go with any of those because all of them sound strangely homoerotic. Or maybe you would… your band, your call.

I don’t really know why, but food seems to find prominent roles in band titles. (ex. Korn, Meatloaf, Phish, Cream) So maybe go with… I dunno Yogurt or something.

Imagery involving death and violence always makes for an exciting title. (ex. Guns N’ Roses, The Grateful Dead) You could always create a name like Shrapnel Dove.

I don’t really approve, but there are plenty of bands who rely on obscure pop culture references. (ex. The Ataris, Fallout Boy) If you want to go with this method, consider something like Blue Milk, Triforce, or Quail Man.

I really must advise against relying on musical puns. Yeah it worked for The Beetles but you’re pushing your luck if you name your band something like Extension Chord or Punkture. My advice is to stay away from all that messy business.

Well there you have some quality inspiration for naming your new band. And please, don’t be a dink and find some website with a band name generator. You are an aspiring artist and you’re going to have to get used to coming up with you own material. You need to start feeling competitive because this business is a cruel stepfather who won’t let you stay up late to watch Conan and won’t think twice about spanking your bare bottom for leaving the hallway light on for like 5 minutes while you were busy fetching some Gushers from the pantry. And please, please, please don’t reply to this post explaining the origins of famous band titles… if I wanted this information I would have already consulted wikipedia.

What I would like is for people to post some sample band names of their own concoction. Here are a few more of mine off the top of my head…

Shmeg On My Face
Zen of Lions
Semper WiFi
Squirrel Voyeur
Pynk Myst
The William Shatners (Credited to Brandon Driscoll)